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‘I’ll get back to you’ is a typical response when we should be saying YES and deciding to invest in ourselves.

Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash

There comes a time in a woman’s life when she feels like she’s given all she has and lost herself. I don’t know the exact age, but I assume it would be different for women of various ages.

What does it mean exactly? When did you realize that it’s possible that you were never present for yourself while being present for everyone else? How do you find that person again? How do you see her underneath all the roles you played your entire life? The devoted daughter, the obedient wife, and the caregiver who never got a day off not to care.

When did spending time investing in oneself become a confusing question? Why can’t we immediately jump at the idea of joining a new course or committing to something that will help us in the long run, professionally or otherwise, but we hesitate while men easily slip out a yes even before the question is finished being asked?

Is it because we are wired to always think of everyone around us, and we do mental calculations of how making a decision will affect every single other person in their life when the most significant question they should be asking is:

How will this impact me?

When the guilt disappears, and we stand up and say YES, we become more confident and see other perspectives of life, work, and relationships. We see ourselves through other people besides the only people we care for.

This is an essential first step in finding yourself.

Yes, even psychologists agree that we feel more guilt, which affects how we spend our time. We rarely spend it on ourselves, and if we do, many of us will face judgment, mostly from ourselves, before anyone else can be bothered even to pass judgment. See a pattern?

We are emphatic to the extent that we feel guilty. God made us that way, unfortunately. But there does come a time in our lives when we think that there is only so much guilt we can feel for not being there for everyone and that to be better caregivers, we need to take time out and care for ourselves.

We do need to take time out for ourselves.

We must do it for everyone around us because it makes us better individuals. Notice I didn’t say better mothers, wives, or caregivers.

Individuals.

You are a person who has preferences, opinions, and likes and dislikes. You need to separate yourself from everyone around you, which I am sure unmarried, childless people probably take for granted.

But sometimes, everything meshes together, and the lines blur between individuals and ‘modern women.’

We need to stop internalizing our emotions and start getting out of our heads so we can live our lives.

Take the first step and shake off the guilt. Accept that you can’t always be there for everyone but can be there for yourself. The first time you do it may be challenging, but I promise every time after that will be easier.

Originally published in Modern Women on Medium on August 29, 2024.